


Insider Info

by PepperF



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-08
Updated: 2009-02-02
Packaged: 2017-12-09 20:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperF/pseuds/PepperF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone needs to warn the newbs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Comment ficlet written for sg_fignewton, to explain something Jonas said in Descent.

"Okay, put your hand on this."

Jonas obediently reached forwards. "So this records my handprint?" he enquired, with interest, craning his neck to see whilst still keeping his hand on the scanner.

Walter nodded, pressing buttons. "You're now in the system," he announced, proudly. "Want me to give you a lesson on the iris mechanism?"

"Oh, yes, please! I'm keen to learn as much as I can about regular Stargate operations," explained Jonas. "I mean, if I know the regular procedures, I can see when something is going wrong. Now I'm a member of SG-1, somehow I feel a personal sense of responsibility to ensure the safety of the base."

Walter nodded. "Everyone here must be alert and ready for anything to happen," he said, portentously. " _Anything._ At any moment, there could be an event that threatens the safety of our entire world." There was a slight pause, in which they both seemed to be waiting for an apocalypse. There was a distinct lack of apocalypsii. "Any moment," reiterated Walter, firmly. "We just don't know when."

"Yeah," agreed Jonas, with just a smidgeon less enthusiasm.

Sensing he was losing his audience, Walter turned to the bank of computers responsible for the iris. "This is the Telemetry Imaging Processor, or TIP machine," he explained. "Your palm print has been recorded and stored here. I'll set the appropriate permissions—" He did so, "and now you can open and close the iris as needed. Put your hand back on the scanner. Go on, give it a try." Jonas did so, and the iris closed. "That closes the iris." Walter leaned into the tannoy, and pressed the transmission button. "Just running some tests," he announced to the Gateroom. The Marine commander glared up at him. "Okay, now put your hand back on it again." Jonas did, and the iris opened again. "There: now you know how to do one of the most important jobs in Stargate Command."

"Yes. It's very important."

"Essential. Of course, that's not all we do up here in the Control Room," said Walter.

"Yes. Well, I think maybe I ought to be—"

"I can show you the power output monitors."

"I'm pretty sure Major Carter wanted me to—"

"And I can give you some insider information about the team, too."

Jonas hesitated. "Well, I am interested in hearing more about what it's like to work with them..."

"Oh, I've been here since the beginning," said Walter, confidently. "I've seen them at their best and their worst, and everything in between." Jonas wavered. "Teal'c, for instance. You might think he's all stoicism and honour, but there's much more to him. Much, much more."

Despite himself, Jonas leaned forward, intrigued. "Yes? I've found Teal'c very hard to interpret – and I'm usually very good at reading people."

"Well, underneath that enigmatic exterior there is a passionate, curious, and somewhat stubborn man. Then of course there's the humour."

Jonas nodded. "Oh, yes – Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill have both made jokes at my expense about the uniform. They were very funny."

"Not them – everyone knows to beware of those two," Walter said, dismissively. "I'm talking about _Teal'c's_ occasional use of humor."

"Teal'c? But I thought he was so... straight-laced."

Walter shook his head fervently. "Don't be fooled. He's much more subtle than—" he looked swiftly around, and was assured that they were alone, "—than Colonel O'Neill. _Much_ more subtle. That's what makes him all the more dangerous. When he punks you, you don't know it until three weeks later and the video has gone around the entire base. Believe me."

"What's 'punks'?"

Walter's face lit up. "Oh, it's from this series – to 'punk' someone is to play a practical joke on them. I can lend you the DVDs. Working with SG-1, you'll need all the help you can get..."

\---

END.


	2. Need-To-Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone thinks Jonas should be kept in the loop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to Insider Info. This is my contribution to sg_fignewton's SG-1 Gen Fic Day.

Sadly, they were interrupted before Jonas could get more details about the rest of SG-1. But after Jonas's first trip into space, he returned to find an anonymous printout in his locker. His immediate impulse – to say out loud, "What's this?", and to start reading – was curbed when he saw the names on the sheet. Glancing behind him to where the Colonel and Teal'c were changing, he swiftly folded the sheet and tucked it casually into his pocket. 

"See you later, Colonel, Teal'c," he said, politely. The Colonel grunted without looking up, still not entirely comfortable around Jonas – and for that, Jonas couldn't really blame him, but he did hope it would dissipate with time. Teal'c looked up, met his gaze, and nodded.

He picked up some food from the commissary, coffee and some of those delicious fries that Sam told him were bad for him and promptly stole, "For your own good, Jonas," and went back to his quarters. There, he smoothed out the sheet of paper, wondered again if he'd ever get used to the disorienting sensation that it was just slightly the wrong shape and texture, and began to read.

The headers, in bold, listed the names of the three other members of SG-1. Beneath them were bullet-pointed lists. 

**Colonel O'Neill**  
\- Try not to stare at the hair. Don't offer product or the name of a good barber.  
\- He won't tell anyone about the time he found you crying your eyes out in the locker room after the worst mission of your life. He will, however, tell the entire base and every alien you meet for the next six months about the time you tripped on a rock and slid down a hillside, and had to limp back to the Gate with your muddy ass hanging out of your torn pants.  
\- At some point, you will put your foot in it about his son. Whatever you do, don't make a big fuss about apologizing.  
\- Don't let him eat the Chicken Tetrazzini MRE when you're going to have to share a tent with him later.

 **Major Carter**  
\- Everything in her lab is dangerous – especially when thrown with sufficient force.  
\- If she's voluntarily taking time off to get some sleep, the world isn't about to end.  
\- Blue jello is good, but about once or twice a year there'll come a situation for which Godiva chocolates are required.   
\- She does have a life: this is it.

 **Teal'c**  
\- Jaffa love songs are extremely educational, but his symbiote metabolises alcohol too fast, so you won't hear them unless you obtain a sample of the purple sagebrush from P5G-298 (a.k.a. bio sample #38H3V in the locked cupboard on the left-hand side of Dr Lee's lab).   
\- Don't attempt the above unless you're absolutely certain that you'll be on different planets for the next week.  
\- Never overlook the fact that he misses his family. Every day.  
\- Ice cream is not for sharing.

At the bottom of the page was a brief note. "When you realize you've broken all these rules at least once, then you'll know you're a member of SG-1." 

Underneath it was signed with a terse, "D." But no doubt that was someone's idea of a joke.

...Right?

\---

END.


End file.
